Alrighty, non-geek readers can stop reading right now. Go surf CNN or BBC if you’re looking for hard, interesting news. Maybe ESPN if you’re looking for sports. You non-geek ADVriders, go back to JoMamma.

Go ahead, get our of here. I’ll wait.

Okay, everyone remaining should be a geek. Now to cull the heard further. This is a Apple fan-boy rant. Not to be mistaken with a fan-boi rant, which my wife assures me I do not qualify for. Apple fan-boy’s and non Apple fan-boys are a lot like Athiests and Christians. They don’t understand each other and most likely never will, at least as long as the Athiests continue to believe that God doesn’t exist because he dosen’t have a listed telephone number.

Now that should have gotten rid of a lot of people. One more to go. This is about mobile technology. If you’re only concerned about technology for lard assed arm chair quarterbacks…well even lard assed geeks need something to do while moving from the arm chair to the bathroom, so they can stay.

Great. Now that I’m talking to myself, I can continue.

I’m one of those Newton people. You remember. The palmtop computer that Apple pioneered many moons ago. Yes I say pioneered. Am I mistaken? Maybe, but I don’t think so. I think Apple got the concept right. Okay, not at first. It wasn’t till they came out with the Newton 2000 that I took notice of it, and they perfected it with the 2100 which I bought and still own.

I don’t use it anymore. Sadly after Apple discontinued the Newton, it became harder to work with as the rest of technology moved on. Granted the Newton community is still extending it’s function, but I don’t have a Mac OS 9 machine that can run the Newton App any more. That made it difficult to move data back and forth with my desktop Mac, and in order for technology to stay on my desk (and in my briefcase) it has to be easy to use.

Now a lone Newton user who reads this may argue with me about that so let me clarify. When I say easy I mean iPod easy. I want to plug it in and it works. Flawlessly. The Newton community has done well, but I’m not a patient man. So I replaced my Newton 2100 with a Sony Ericsson P800, a standard steno notepad from Staples, and a journal (not a diary, I’m a man damn it). Yes, I replaced one device with three.

I still have the Newton in my desk drawer. I take it out and look at it longingly every now and then. I don’t let my wife see this, she wouldn’t understand and might get jealous.

Alrighty so what the hell am I ranting about already? This. Yet another rumor about a hand-held Mac. Cruel fate! Taunt me not with thine fickle wisps of geeky desire!

Microsoft’s tablet PC initiative never took off. You know why? (Yeah, some dork with a web log and no clue is going to tell you.) Because it tried to be a whole PC. It’s too big, too unwieldly. It’s trying to be everything to everyone who wants to use a PC. Not surprisingly it’s failed. In trying to do everything, it did nothing well.

Now I happen to be friends with a certain cyber prophet in the Palm arena and I’m sure if he read this he’d say, “Bill, Bill, Bill. That’s precisely why the Newton failed.” Well (surprise!) I disagree. The Newton didn’t try to be the whole computer. It was the notepad, calander, address book, ebook reader, and web pad mobile device that desktop computers and laptops couldn’t be.

It was the perfect size; not much bigger than the steno pad in my brief case right now. It was instantly ready for use at the touch of a button and had battery life that makes me scream in agony over the current generation of palm devices. I got two weeks use out of a charge using it heavily for note taking at work, reading on flights, etc.

“But,” you say, “You can get months out of some of the Palm branded devices.” Bah! Bother me not with mere pocket calculator stuff! It’s about the size baby. I don’t want a notpad the size of my palm. That was fine for those times in school when I had to cheat on occasion and keep it hidden. I like my steno pad. It’s the right size for input and output. It’s easy to cary into meetings, onto planes, etc. I like it damn it and that makes it perfect.

So another April Fool’s has come and gone. Still I sit here wishing Apple would produce the Newton replacement. I think they have the right philosophy. Not a device that does everything and designed to replace the desktop or laptop, but a device designed to suplement it; portable, with a nice screen the size of my steno pad, the size of my Newton 2100. The ability to synchronize notes back and forth, dates, addresses; give me wireless too. How about ebooks as easy and inexpensive as iTunes?

Ah, we always want what we can’t have. There’s always that little glimer of hope every April 1.

Yeah, this is a repeat rant. April 1 repeats. Why can’t I?