I haven’t just scored. I have dominated. I am the alpha geek. I sip casually from the root beer float I purchased minutes ago and watch the digeons (digital peons) wandering about forlornly, desperately seeking the life giving ports to which I am privy. Their laptops and power cords in hand they wander back and forth through the area. No joy for them.

This spot is mine. I command it.

So what to do? I could work on the reports due from my work, but where’s the fun in that? No, as long as I have a mainline power source I’m going to use it. A nice game of HomeWorld 2. Ah the beautiful graphics of true 3D space and a real time strategy game to boot. Usually I don’t buy games which aren’t networkable with my PC owning friends, but for this game I made an exception. It really is that good.

I’ve long since played through the single player missions, but I can still look forward to the more free-form multiplayer games, even if it’s just against the computer AI. So I plug in, turn up the brightness on that lovely 15 inch PowerBook screen, pop in the CD and start the game.

“HOMEWORLD2 has exited because serial number check failed. Try reinstalling the application”

I’m stunned. “What the fu…” I try it again with the same result. Foiled by Digital Rights Management. The makers of this game can sleep secure knowing that not only does their game require a CD to play, but also a serial number. A unique code without which the game will not function.

I travel with the CD. Why? Because I have other things to do than try to figure out how to make the game play without the CD. However the serial number is a different matter altogether. It’s on a little sticker on the jewel case. At home on my desk. Two thousand miles away from here.

Thank you for screwing your loyal customer. The one who paid $50 for this game. The one who recommended it to several friends because it was so cool. Thank you for designing in protection for the game that now keeps me from playing it, even though I bought and paid for it. The one who doesn’t visit the warez sites or download the key generation programs. The one who believes you have a right to make money off of your hard work. Thank you very much.

This is what I call Digital Rights Mangeling. My rights as a consumer, a law abiding customer, have just been thrown out the window. It’s a game, I’ll get over it right?

Well I would, except this is becoming the rule and not the exception. When I lost the CD to Halo I was bummed. I enjoyed the network play. But the game won’t run without the CD. Did I grab a copy from the net? Nope, I just trashed the game, never to play it again.

The MPAA and the RIAA would just as soon sue you as sell you something. And they have no qualms about selling you something that isn’t what you think it is. You know some of those DVD’s you have? Some which were sold as “Widescreen Format?” You know, the ones with the black bars across the top and bottom of the picture which makes you feel like you’re watching the movie in the theater again? Well guess what MGM has just been found guilty of doing.

That’s right. They took the “TV” versions of movies, cut the top and bottom of the picture off and then sold it as “Widescreen.” Most people buy widescreen movies because they think they are getting more. In this case, they are getting less. Well at least they were caught. At least they have to make good for decieving the public. Oh boy, they will buy back their movie for a whopping $7! Amazing! And to think I only paid $20 for one of the movies on their list.

Digital Rights Mangeling. Remember, it’s not about protecting you the consumer. It’s about protecting them. It’s about hiding how they are screwing you but making it easier to bust you if they think you might be doing something wrong.

Have you heard of the Broadcast Flag? This is the little gem the industry has cooked up to make your VCR stop working when they tell it to. That’s right. Want to tape that movie so you can watch it when you get home from work? If they don’t want you to, forget it. The sporting event of the season that you can’t see live because you have a dinner date with the in-laws? Sucks to be you if they’re not feeling benevolent.

You know what? I’m tired of this crap. I work all day and many times all night too. I’m honest about what I buy and how I buy it. I’m tired of getting screwed because I’ve done the right thing.

Hey Mr. Entertainment Company. Yeah, you. I’m talking to you. Do you think the person who pirated your game has to worry about putting a CD into their drive to play it? Do you think they have to have a serial number to play it? How much revenue do you think they added to your pocket? Now how much revenue do you think I added to your pocket?

Now answer me this: Why should I add revenue to your pocket when it means I can’t play your game? The game I spent my hard earned cash on. That’s $50 I can’t do anything else with now.

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

Well the right thing to do is not to piss off your paying customers. All I wanted to do was relax and play a stupid game. Instead I sit here ranting about not being able to play it. You know what? I’m tired of “doing the right thing” and getting screwed for it. If I had done the wrong thing I’d be sitting here playing the game and enjoying myself. Where’s the benefit of doing the right thing?

I am the alpha geek. I know how to get software for free. I know how to find the key generation programs. I simply choose not to because I believe you should “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” So much for the golden rule. It’s turned into “do unto others before they do unto you.”

Well you know there’s another saying that fits here: “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” If they’re going to screw me, why shouldn’t I screw them first?