The pursuit of happiness is something that we’re told we have the right to as kids growing up in the US.  However we’re not really told what happiness is or how to achieve it.  I think we’re given the idea that happiness is defined differently for each of us.  So let’s take a look at some of the keys.

Career:  The satisfaction of a job well done.  The knowledge that we’ve contributed in some fashion to a greater whole.  Or maybe it’s the knowledge that we’ve done something someone else said we couldn’t do.  

Money:  This often goes hand in hand with the career, but not always.  People accumulate wealth through different means, it can be inherited, won, even stolen.

Fame:  The adulation from the adoring masses.  Being able to walk out into the street and be recognized.  Feeling important because you matter in the world.

Sex: What can I say?

What do all these things have in common? I think they are all different ways we try to validate our lives.  We tie our happiness to them in an effort to feel like we’re making some kind of a contribution to the world, and more importantly that the world is acknowledging us.

Naturally this is my site and I wouldn’t post something here if I didn’t have an opinion about it.  I think the key to happiness is the relationships we have with the people around us.

Think about it a bit.  Even the keys I’ve listed above all depend on the relationships we build in the world.  Our careers depend on the relationships between coworkers and customers.  Wealth can only be measured through comparison with people who place the same value on wealth.  Fame depends on the relationship between the adored and the adoring. And finally sex, definitely something that requires a relationship, even if it’s a brief one.

So why do we bother with work wealth, fame and sex?  Each of these thing can provide us some validation in the short term, and they do contribute to our overall happiness.  However what happens when you don’t have a career you like?  You don’t have the money you’d like?   You don’t have the attention you desire?  And you’re just not gettin’ as much as you’d like?

To be honest when we miss the validation in our lives it can be depressing.  The important point is this; we get that validation through our relationships with other people.  So shouldn’t we spend a little more time developing those relationships?

The things that we look to for validation in our lives can fail us, but if we have built good relationships with the people around us we’ll have the validation we need even when things don’t work out the way we want them to.